I saw it all. The excited supporters, the rows of flags and the map as it was slowly devoured by blocks of red and blue. When I was younger, American elections were a distant curiosity; a largely administrative affair that would merit little more than a slight lifting of the eyebrows. It’s different now. What was routine now feels more volatile, less predictable. Welcome to Trump, the Sequel.
When Donald Trump took to the stage of the Palm Beach County Convention Centre and Drive Through Bottle-shop, I was certain he was going to announce that he’d already built a fully operational Death Star. As Darth Donald stood astride the stage, his face aglow both with a sense of vindication and whatever industrial-grade bronzer he’s currently using, I’ll admit I felt a little deflated. It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.
Traditionally, the slightest whiff of scandal is enough to end a political career. In Donald’s case, it seems to be the fuel that enhances rather than diminishes his standing. Charm used to be considered an asset. Now, it’s something to be avoided. Despite his best efforts to repulse a nation if not the globe more broadly, it has drawn more people to him. He can swear, denigrate and do unspeakable things to a microphone stand, to no avail.
Once, I saw the film ‘Stakeout’ starring Richard Dreyfuss and Emilio Estevez. Even though they’re both more than capable actors, the movie was a stinker. For reasons that defy logic, they made a sequel imaginatively entitled ‘Another Stakeout’. Although I hadn’t thought it possible, ‘Another Stakeout’ was even worse that the first one. This is how I feel about the news of another Trump Presidency.
But it raises the question as to what’s worse – that they made both films or that I watched both films. (Or, in the case of ‘Another Stakeout’, the first twenty minutes – it was that bad). Anything was possible the first time. But there was little hope for the sequel. The ‘Another Stakeout’ rule applies here.
A second act in politics is usually about redemption. People return older, wiser, chastened. But this is a comeback that seems to be more about revenge than redemption. Granted, by any measure, it’s a remarkable feat. But it’s also one that’s difficult to understand. There were times when he seemed to be doing everything within his power to alienate as many people as possible. I don’t know why it didn’t work.
Do you remember the Mel Brooks film, ‘The Producers’? It featured Zero Mostel and the always fabulous Gene Wilder. Zero plays Max Bialystock, a Broadway producer, who learns he can make more money producing a flop than a hit. He and Leo Bloom set off to find the worst musical possible and eventually stumble across ‘Springtime for Hitler’. But when it makes its debut, the show is so incredibly bad that people find it funny. Later, the two protagonists lament, saying, ‘where did we go right?’
Now comes the inevitable parade of characters from the MAGA-Extended Universe. What role will Hulk Hogan play in the upcoming administration? I can imagine the Hulkster being deployed to North Korea and….on second thoughts, that’s as far as my imagination takes me – Hulk Hogan goes to North Korea and stays there. But just as the Hulk-meister probably thinks he can rip a t-shirt from his sagging torso just as well now as he could in the good old days, I’m sure he has visions of striding into the UN General Assembly, wearing a MAGA bandana and red speedos, threatening to body slam any member of the international diplomatic corps that might defy him. Lord help us all.
Robert F Kennedy junior will apparently have some role in health policy. This is a missed opportunity. He should be White House press secretary if only so he can regale the assembled media with tales of dumping a deceased bear cub carcass in a New York park and then trying to make it look like it was the victim of a bicycle accident because he had a plane to catch. Which sounds like a joke, except it isn’t. Rudy Guiliani would be on hand to freshen everybody’s drink.
And then there’s Elon. It’s hard to imagine a more disappointing and conflicted human being. On the one hand, there’s the electric car thing, which seems quite awesome. On the other hand, there’s everything else. From turning Twitter into a conspiracy-laden sink hole of stupidity to his attempts to address population decline single handedly, he is both the world’s richest person and one of its least likeable. Today there’s news that Elon’s new job is to cut government spending. If he does half as well as he’s done Twitter, chances are it will be a shambles. Whatever his skills, Elon is not a people person.
It’s strange when things don’t turn out as you expect. And, in this case, kind of jarring. But history isn’t a straight line. It’s a pendulum and as surely as it will swing in one direction it will come back to the middle in due course. I hope.