It changed. I’m not entirely sure when, but it did. I don’t know whether the correct term is ‘default font’ or, simply’ defont’, but when I switch my computer on and begin a new document, I now get something called ‘Aptos (Body)’. It’s the kind of fundamental shift that ought to trigger rioting in the streets but, so far, nothing. You’d think that all Helvetica would have broken loose but, instead, the swift and unexplained emergence of ‘Aptos (Body)’ has seemingly been met with a collective shrug of the shoulders and ‘meh’. How did it come to this?
My heart belongs to Times New Roman. It was the go-to-font for right-thinking people everywhere and you couldn’t turn around without tripping over it. Granted, there were hippies and radical types that shamelessly spruiked the benefits of ‘Calibri’ as though it wasn’t a gateway font for more extreme versions of typeface. So far as I was concerned, you start of dabbling with ‘Calibri’ and, before you know it, you’re Wingdinging yourself into oblivion. Thanks, but no thanks.
Times New Roman promised stability. It imposed order where there would otherwise be chaos and tumult. It made the world of word processing a lot less scary for those who’d been late to make the switch from typewriters. It was the preferred typeface for all work correspondence. Upon receiving letters from other organisations that preferred a groovier font, I would be instantly overwhelmed by a sense of pity. Did they not know any better? Were they being forced to use Garamond against their will?
I can’t pretend to be the font of all knowledge, but it seems that Times New Roman has fallen out of favour. Nobody can say why. My own theory is that someone sneakily switched to Arial during the kerfuffle surrounding Y2K, where innocent computer users were harassed into believing that the world was going to end as the year 2000 arrived only to find that (almost) nothing happened at all. Come to think of it, Y2K is the ultimate ‘quick, look over there at that shiny thing!’ moment where almost anything could (and possibly did) happen.
I’ve no idea how this lamentable fall from grace occurred. Was Times New Roman ever photographed stumbling out of a nightclub in the small hours; bedraggled, dishevelled and disgraced before yelling at passersby and vomiting in an Uber? I’d like to think so. Did Times New Roman manipulate the stock market resulting in a global distortion of international currencies that brought about a catastrophic collapse in the value of trade futures? Possibly. But whatever it did, I’m sure it was anything that warranted so comprehensive a cancelling as the one it’s endured.
I know almost nothing about Aptos (Body), other than it sounds like a very intense kind of exercise class, the type that I would ordinarily go to great lengths to avoid. I can imagine arriving at some unearthly hour, wrapped head to toe in spandex, ready to submit myself to yet another gruelling Aptos Body class. After forty minutes of punishment that would be better suited to an extreme game show where competitors suffer needlessly in the hope of some gloriously inadequate prize, I would slump to the floor, a glistening, sweaty pile of spent flesh.
I’m reasonably certain that an Aptos (Body) exercise class is not a thing. But what is there to do but to speculate? It’s not as though there’s been a proper induction process. Indeed, rather than arrive at my doorstep with letters of introduction from respected fonts like Gothic Light and Quire Sans, Aptos (Body) has simply rocked up like a backpacker you find on your couch one morning who’s eaten the last of your muesli.
I wonder; did Aptos (body) turn up for its first day of work just as Times New Roman was cleaning out its desk, depositing personal items into a cardboard box? How awkward! Maybe there was some kind of handover. I can imagine on Times New Roman’s last day at work, there’d be a farewell afternoon tea and Aptos (Body) would be expected to sign the card. It would weird, I think, having to decide which font to use in Times New Roman’s goodbye card.
I feel a bit sorry for Times New Roman. Soon will be the day that I’m walking down the street only to be confronted by the sight of Times New Roman being thrown bodily from a bar room onto the footpath. As the bouncer dusts off his hands, Times New Roman will stagger to his feet and slur, ‘I used to be someone! I used to be important!’. Not anymore.
Change is a funny thing. Some things are retired with fanfare. Others simply disappear, swallowed the obsolescence. As strange as it may be, these things are signposts that mark the passing of time. Perhaps a rebrand is in order – arise Times Old Roman! Enjoy your well-earned retirement. Now excuse me – I have an Aptos (Body) exercise class to get to.